shes just too cute. i love her moments. she reminds me a lot of myself, and i feel that i hardly connect with any tv characters.
the addiction to the show may also be because my relationships with girls, havent been the greatest recently. my girlfriends are off doing their own things anymore, moving away, getting married, hell the true friends i thought i had, i havent had a real conversation with them about anything in about a year.
pathetic.
i just long for that connection that has been a void in my life so recently. when you go from one extreme to absolutely, you wonder what exactly went wrong. was it all my fault? what did i do to deserve this? and most importantly, will i get the chance to see if it will ever go back to how it used to be?
probably not. now i consider myself a realist more so than optimist. is that so bad? i supose when you are turning 22 like myself in a month and really have no one special to share it with, you get a little nostalgic and try to block out past memories that make you feel even more disapointed than before.
driving home the other night, i came to a realization. in order for me to move out of this rut that i am in, i need to move on from the past relationships that tend to bring me down. friends, lovers, no title necessary, and focus on the positive influences that will only bring my happiness to a diffrent light.
do you ever think that a person can be like a drug, there is an addiction to them, you want them, need them, and whenever you are around them its euphoric? im sure most have experianced this with at least one individual at one point in their lifetime. though, when without this drug, you tend to go crazy, needing it even more so than you would like to admit to, thoughts running throughout your mind; having a battle between the left and right side of your brain. a civil war almost, that is never pretty to re-enact.
this drug has been apart of my life for the past 4 years. a quiet addiction, quickly becoming more popular with anyone within a 15 mile radias. future relationships have suffered due to this person, and yet he doesnt know. and he will go on with his life, not ever really knowing the effect that he put on me. the effect that will never escape my body agian. i have to bury it, with hopes that it will never resurect from the dead. i never want to visit it agian.
tomorrow, is my last day with the right one. it will truely be a sad moment for me. in the past 10 months, ive grown so much as a person, concuring many fears of my own. the people that you surround yourself with make such a dilgent inpact on your life, regardless if you want it. Of course you can never pick and choose these indivduals, god had a funny way of sending you signals, teaching you the opsticals so when you are handed them agian, you know the correct way of handling them. i wish everyone the best of luck, and i will miss them all, though only a few i think of fondly.
so i leave you with this fellow readers, friends, whatever.
one day you may think that you have nothing, but dont be alarmed, take a deeper look around you and not only look with your eyes, but your heart. open them wider and you will see that life may be difficult, but it is a blessing.
xO,
Sarah Marie
